i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize