im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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