The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
