I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
