I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
