i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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