I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
