my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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