Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My nipple is on Facebook.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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