She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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