so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
