so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
