you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
