i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
