when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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