What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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