We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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