I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Houston, we have a squirter
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
as a side note pls kill me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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