so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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