If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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