how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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