Ambien. No doubt about it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
