this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
