btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
