WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize