It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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