Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
