I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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