So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
