whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
