Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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