I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
