i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
