I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
