Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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