So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
