I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
