I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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