After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
