I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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