just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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