So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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