This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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