i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
