That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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