Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
