Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
