Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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