Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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