i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i out mim tonsoeep
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