its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
