marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
