Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I believe in your delicious
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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