some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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