life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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