I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
