Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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