I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
