hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
