Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
