Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
