Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
