There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
