is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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