I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
