Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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