I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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