I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
