I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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