What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
