wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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