I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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