Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
