Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
