'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
