I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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