shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
