that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
