dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
