so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
