I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
