So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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