even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
