And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
