I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
