cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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