Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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