Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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