...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
