Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
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there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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