Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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