New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
