He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
