Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
